I held every part of you,
Sure that no detail would go unnoticed,
But I guess I had already memorized you in pieces along the way.
Hills and valleys composed of unforeseen tomorrows.
I never wanted this part:
Hitched breathing and lost in the routine of someone new settling into every miniscule crack of my everyday;
I never wanted to be uncertain and resigned.
Something real being exchanged for replayed happy moments,
Over and over until days finally stop blending together in blissful harmony.
Waking up used to be easier than sleeping,
But now sleeping is a welcomed security blanket,
Like the tee shirt you promised to leave behind.
Tomorrow is uncertain because tomorrow does not hold many promises,
And I stopped loving uncertainty when I didn’t have to.
Coming home means two different things when home is not me,
I know that that probably won’t last forever,
But what if mere friendship becomes our long-lasting crutch?
Holding back and holding on to one another because it’s reasonable;
But I won’t always live drained by unfeeling logic.
You’ll miss me when the anticipation dies down,
When there is nothing left to take your mind to new places,
When I am the only exciting interruption left.
Until then I’m holding hands with distractions,
Toying with ideas of the future,
Replacing days with you with days with me.
Reminded that I love being alone,
But being alone with you never felt as lonely as I do,
So please let me fall back into you soon.